Only a few people have seen me really lose it. I’ve become frustrated, a bit angry, and stormed around but only _snapped_ a handful of times. There is one thing in life that has ruined me for good – which is people living above me. See, I had neighbours and while I worked from home I could hear their world. With little possibility for me to have it go away short of drowning it out with more noise (music/earplugs) it was impossible for me to concentrate and enjoy peace and quiet. I knew each and every person’s routine, the one who got up at 6am, went to the bathroom and then had their morning breakfast before exercising on the eliptical. 10am would bring someone new, who would walk from living room to kitchen, numerous times watching TV, throwing cigarette butts over the patio. Finally – things would become silent at 1am, after what sounded like drunken stumbles collapsing onto a squeaky bed. Then came the snoring. I started to unravel. It started the emotional crash I suffered almost about 2 years ago around this time, minus a week. I stopped sleeping, became a grump, and started doing really bizarre things. Eventually it ruined a long term relationship, friendships, and gave me a good lesson in insanity. There is one person in the world who has seen me completely pop every which direction, and I’m sure if they are reading this they’ll either laugh due to the absurdity of the situation, cry from the memories of watching me discombobulate, or feel sorry knowing what I’m going through. Either way, I’ve now met my match.
Bugs. Mosquitoes, Black Flies, Horseflies, No-See-Ums. They are everywhere. I’ve tried to play it cool since crossing over into the Northwest Territories, brushing them off, pretending they aren’t a nuisance, but let us get down to the truth here – they are devastating. I’m skipping meals due to the fact that I have to stop riding letting them come in the droves of hundreds to feast upon my salty sweet odour emanating from my body. Dive bombing from their position weaving through wind and other barriers stinger ready to insert itself deep into my skin ingesting drops of my blood. I’m completely covered head to toe with netting to defend myself from these blood/morale suckers, while I scramble to setup my tent at night, only leaving a small area unzipped inside my sleeping area to inflate my mattress, praying that 1% of the swarm make it in to make it easier for me to eradicate them. Kamikaze like dives into my food, coffee, through multiple layers of fabric leaving bumps and coloured welts all over my body. Hundreds of them relentlessly sneak their way into my tent, my clothes, dive bombing into my food, coffee, leaving marks welts and bumps all over my body. Try going to the bathroom in the woods, and then imagine where I’m finding more bite marks. Then they become itchy. If I was to use an After bite solution, I’d need to buy a 55 gallon drum.
I’ve noticed that I’m starting to do neurotic twitch dances everywhere I go – Slapping, twisting, and jumping every few steps in failed attempts to keep them away from my body. If I was a ski mountain, I’d surely be the double black diamond, offering daredevils thousands of minute moguls and extreme terrain. I wake up to bugs on my face, evading my nightly catchings, scooping out a couple dozen of these dead insects in the morning while packing up so that they don’t remain, compressing and staining the inside of my yellow fabric. It already looks like I’ve been butchering during my spare time – splattered blood over various areas.
OK mother nature, you win. Tomorrow, I buy bug spray.I told myself I would not use it due to DEET being known as a carcinogenic, known to cause brain damage in humans – and due to the fact that these chemicals would remain on me for long periods of time due to the lack of available showers however this has gone too far. Trying the spray is the first step, giving me a few moments to start planning some sort of force-field, a flame thrower, covering myself in dirt, anything. Don’t get me started on the black flies performing dizzying rounds over my entire body, darting in to land on my skin leaving their disgusting filthy eggs on me. We’ll leave this post to the mosquitoes.
I’m against genetic modifications, knowing that mother natures way has survived for millions of years without a bunch of white coats bumbling up the progress, however I’m ready to see advancements in the field. Let’s use the bugs as test subjects – and save me from going raving mad.
Signed, Crazy 11:23pm 2010-06-16
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